What's Wrong With a Little Chaos?
by Whatswrongwithalittlechoas
Summary: This story is about Bellamy and the girl he left behind on the ship. But had she returned to earth? If so, where has she been? "What if I can't forget you, Bellamy?" I'm a huge fan of The 100 books and TV show. I'm not sure exactly how to summarise this but I hope you enjoy! This story includes Clarke, Monty and Jasper etc!
1. Finder's Keepers

**What's Wrong with a Little Chaos?**

It has been forty seven days since Clarke had left the camp, had left Bellamy, and today she returned.

When she first left, and everybody was asking Bellamy where she had gone, why he hadn't stopped her and why she left, Bellamy didn't know what to say. He trusted Clarke enough to know that she had to leave, she had to, by herself, live with what she had done. She had left Bellamy, and it had hurt him. Although, he never let it show.

When she first left and many of Jaha's camp saw the direction she headed in tried to stop her, Bellamy had to talk them down. It was one of the most difficult words he had ever had to spit out. Clarke didn't want to be found. He himself wanted to run into the woods and never return until his partner was back with him. Explaining to Abby was the hardest part. He had to look her mother in the eye and explain that her daughter had left her. That she wasn't going to come back.

People had initially protested, claiming that Clarke was the reason they were home now. And safe. But others were glad to see the back of her. They called her a murderer, saying there could have been another way. Bellamy ignored these people because he knew that's what Clarke would tell him to do. The old Bellamy would have thrown them to the ground and demand their apology but he wasn't the same man that came down on the first dropship. Sure, he would do anything within his power to save his sister, but he didn't want to inflict anymore pain.

The day Clarke returned, it was Bellamy who found her. He and a small group of others had went hunting, in hope to catch a deer. Bellamy and ventured deeper into the forest than usual for hunting that day. Just letting his feet carry him where they wanted. Now that both themselves and the Grounders were home, and the Mountain Men were no longer a threat, neither were the woods. Sure, if they came across a Grounder, because of Lexa's betrayal, there was an awkward fight stance and shuffle until one of them kept walking. But that rarely happened. And with Lincoln, his sister's boyfriend and former Grounder by his side, he felt safe enough.

They heard a shuffle in the trees and both men turned, Bellamy with his gun ready and Lincoln with his weapon of choice. They froze, watching the trees carefully. After some time when nothing happened, they both continued forward, their guards up in case the sound came again. The second time they heard a ruffling it followed with a slight "Ouch!" coming from deep in the trees. Bellamy turned and called out, knowing someone was there.

"Who's out there!?" He shouted and gave Lincoln a wary look.

"Bellamy?" A familiar voice shouted. He stopped right in his tracks, his heart beating erratically in his chest.

"Clarke?" He called, lowering his gun. He felt Lincoln watching him but he ignored his stare. Instead, he stepped towards the rustling in the trees and finally saw a blonde haired girl come into sight. Her clothes were dirty, her hair greasy and her face covered in dirt and blood. They stared at each other for a long moment before Bellamy walked forward and flung his arms around the smaller girl. She made a surprised sound, but returned the embrace just as passionately.

"I knew you'd come home one day!" Bellamy said happily, swirling her around with a laugh. She joined in but frowned when he let her go.

"I'm not coming back yet Bellamy." She told him seriously. The smile vanished off his face.

"Why not Clarke? " He asked her. She looked away and saw Lincoln standing with a grin. She ran at him and hugged him enthusiastically. When she looked back to Bellamy, she gave a sad smile.

"Where have you been?" He asked.

"I was at the capitol for a while." She told him. "I was just walking to my next location. I didn't think anyone would be this far into the forest."

"We're hunting." Bellamy explained. "Clarke, why won't you come back?" She looked away, watching the trees sway gently in the wind.

"I bear it so they don't have to." She told him again.

"But I'm bearing it too. We did what we had to do _together._ Please come back. We need you." He wasn't sure if his speech was winning her over, but he knew he was speaking from the heart. " _I_ need you, Clarke." She looked up then, eyes slightly glassed over.

It took a very long time, but eventually both men talked Clarke to coming back, even just to see her mother, even for a few hours. When they walked into camp, a wary Clarke by his side, the camp began to clap. People ran up to her in warm greeting when they realised who was by Bellamy's side, and those who did not approve of her methods stood back whispering snide comments. Bellamy ignored them. He was getting good at it.

Her mother was overjoyed. She thanked Bellamy with watery eyes and a large smile. Clarke settled quickly. She helped out in the hospital and even asked to share a room with Raven to stay the night because her tent had been used by someone else while she was gone.

Bellamy fell asleep that night, a little smile on his face. Octavia would be home in a few days, he knew she would be happy to see Clarke, I mean, why wouldn't she be? The girls, as far as he knew, got on pretty well. The next morning Clarke was still there. And the morning after that. And the morning after that. She had a sad smile, and she held herself in a way so that no one could see how heavy the weight on her shoulders truly were. But Bellamy knew. And he vowed silently to help her.

A few weeks past, and Clarke made no attempt to leave without returning. She had a few harsh run-ins with those who didn't like her methods, but Bellamy, with the help of others, managed to restore the peace. When Octavia returned, both girls looked nervous but they embraced, relieved the other was alive at least. Bellamy wasn't sure why Octavia was so against talking to Clarke, but his sister was always unpredictable.

On the third week of Clarke's arrival, they both sat around the warm campfire together, eating the rabbit one of the hunters managed to capture. Clarke was chatting but Bellamy was lost in thought, nodding occasionally to show her he was trying to listen. Ever since they had returned from Mount Weather, and all of their people were home again, Bellamy couldn't help but notice there was one face he never saw anywhere. When the first dropship came, the one that Clarke thought her parents were on, and crashed, he wasn't sure if his friend was on it or not. He wouldn't even let himself think it. But then more dropships came. And all the adults and the other confined teenagers returned to earth, he prayed hopelessly that she would be there. That she returned safely to earth. But he hadn't seen her anywhere. She was in his mind, embedded in his thoughts. He missed her terribly. But he wouldn't let it show.

Clarke nudged him with her elbow, drawing him away from his thoughts.

"Are you okay?" she asked with a concerned smile.

"Of course I am." He lied. She gave him an unconvinced look.

"What's wrong Bellamy?" He wasn't sure why he answered her, maybe it was because he knew Clarke would help him? Or maybe because he had to say it out loud?

"All of the dropships have come to earth. There is no one left on the Ark, Jaha was the last. It just makes me wonder… I think… I haven't seen her." He said slowly, watching the fire.

"Seen who?" Clarke asked gently.

"River." Saying her name out loud caused his stomach to dip painfully.

"Octavia used to talk about a girl called River." Clarke told Bellamy. He looked to her in surprise. "I'm so sorry." She whispered. Bellamy looked down, avoiding her gaze. So it was true. No one had seen River. She was dead.

Bellamy rose, dusting the dirt off his trousers and walked away, wanting to be alone. Clarke called after him but he ignored her. He just wanted to be _alone._

He remembered her long dark hair that she always wore in an intricate braid down her back and the way her warm honey coloured eyes used to light up when she laughed. _Dead_. He would never see those eyes again.

He remembered her sarcastic humour and the way she would call him out on everything, never letting him win the argument. _Dead._ They would never argue again.

He remembered the way she could keep a secret, never telling a soul she knew of Octavia's existence, always standing loyally by his side. _Gone._ Never would his sister see her best friend again.

He remembered her looking after his mother when she became more and more scared. The way she would be the one to braid Octavia's hair or give her old dresses that didn't fit anymore. She was _dead._

Bellamy entered his tent and fell on his uncomfortable bed, raking his hands through his hair. She was dead. There was nothing he could do. And it was all his fault.

Another week past, and Bellamy taught himself to live with the crippling pain that resided in his chest. Sure, he used to think about her when they first arrived on earth, but his top priority was always to look after Octavia. To try and live to the next sunrise. There wasn't much time for him to dwell over the ones he had left behind. He couldn't be weak, he had to keep moving forward. As long as he kept moving, it didn't hit him. But now all he had was time to think about her. To wonder what actually happened to her, what her final thoughts were. If, in her final moments, she forgave him.

He did all her could not to think about her. He went on hunting trips, water duty, lookout. Anything to distract himself. But what was to happen next no one could predict. No one could have saw it coming. What was to happen next, stunned people into the most absolute silence.

Bellamy left with Clarke, Lincoln, Monty and a bunch of other armed men and woman into the forest. Those who were stupid enough to go further than allowed confessed but claimed they found something. They asked Bellamy and Clarke to investigate because they said they heard screaming. Possibly someone was locked in an underground bunker or god knows what. But it was enough for them to admit to breaking the rules, which no one really did since there weren't many rules on earth. Bellamy found the whole thing a little strange. Who would be screaming? There was no one missing from camp. They had made sure of that, gathering everyone for a meeting, getting everyone to check that everybody was accounted for. Everyone was in Camp Jaha, which caused Bellamy to be very curious about what lay deep into the forest.

They followed the directions the delinquents gave them. Each person walking slowly and quietly, listening out for the screaming that was claimed to be heard. When night began to fall, a few men grumbled out how 'there was nothing here' and how this mission was 'a waste of bloody time'. Again, Bellamy ignored them.

But when dark completely fell (he and the others had every intention to stay the night in the woods) they finally heard it. At first it was so faint. A trick maybe because he was tired after a long day. But the second piercing scream was no mistake. Clarke and Bellamy looked to one another and without a moment's hesitation, sprinted in the direction the terrified scream was coming from, guns ready to shoot at any moment.

The scream came again, louder this time and adrenaline soared through his veins. He pushed his legs to move faster, his heart accelerating in his chest. When the third scream came, it was from behind him. Confused but determined, he continued to run with his team following close behind him. Beside him, Clarke stopped and called his name and he turned panting for breath.

"It's coming from underneath us, I think." She told him and they listened for the next scream. It came almost instantly and they went back the way they came. Clarke was right. It was coming from _right here_ but there was nothing but trees and muddy forest ground. He ordered for everyone to search the ground, looking for a handle or a cave of some sort. Everyone was whispering and the scent of adrenaline was crisp in the air. People were scared. They should be. No one knew what to expect.

Monty found it and quietly called everyone over. It was under a pile of leaves, a handle that pulled up with everyone's help and below was a ladder. The team froze, eyeing each other warily, their breaths coming out in short pants and wheezes. Bellamy grabbed his radio and quietly reported back to Raven their findings. The scream came again, expect this time it was much, much louder. It was coming from beneath the ladder. The scream was piercing, one masked in high surges or fear. It was only then when Bellamy realised it was screaming words.

"HELP! IS THERE SOMEONE UP THERE?" It killed Bellamy hearing someone in so much fear and he didn't hesitate for a second.

"Who's down there?" He called, but quietly, just in case. A few people had stood guarding around Monty, Bellamy and Clarke who were peering into the ladder.

"HELP PLEASE! PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE THEY COME BACK! PLEASE!"

"I'm coming down!" Bellamy told the petrified voice and Clarke cast him a cautious look.

"It could be a trap." She whispered.

"But what if it isn't? What if someone is trapped down there?" he told her, nervous but determined to save the person below. She nodded.

"Okay. But I'm coming too."

"Okay." He agreed, not in the mood to argue. "You two! Guard the entrance of the ladder. You and Monty keep watch in the trees." He ordered, helping Clarke get into position to climb down the ladder.

"Monty, give me your torch." Clarke said, reaching out and thanking him with a smile. Bellamy rolled his eyes, there was no time.

"QUICKLY!" The girl screamed again from underneath. Clarke hurried down the ladder, Bellamy right behind her as they were swallowed by darkness. The ladder was long and seemingly went on forever. He heard the soft _thud_ of Clarke reaching the bottom.

"Oh my God." He heard her whispered in disgust. He moved quicker.

He couldn't believe his eyes. Inside was a small room with one or two candles and the torch that Clarke held in her hand. There were cabinets throughout the room littered with what looked at a brief glance, surgery equipment. But what lay in the middle of the room caused Bellamy to almost fall to his knees.

Right there, on a surgery table lying on her back was the girl he hadn't stopped thinking about. The girl he had mourned over. She lay drenched in sweat, panting horribly and shaking in cold and fear. Her hair was matted and greasy, her few clothes covered in grime and most shockingly of all, lots of sticky blood. The girl turned as best she could from being strapped down on the table and when she saw her rescuers she squinted, not believing her eyes. But when she saw Bellamy she froze and a heart wrenching sob filled the small room.

"Bellamy?" She sobbed, her hands clenched in fists by her side. Bellamy froze, unable to do anything but stare.

"River." He breathed and rushed over to her side.


	2. Flashback

**Hey everyone! This is my first fanfic, I hope you like it. Feel free to leave reviews, suggestions, criticism etc! I'm actually pretty nervous about publishing but will try to do it as often as possible. This is pretty sucky so far, but I promise it will get better. I just wanted to get Clarke and River into the camp as quickly as possible. I hope you enjoy this second chapter, and have a brilliant day.**

 **Chapter 2**

When he reached her side he grabbed her face with both his hands, not knowing if this was a dream or not. How was she here? How was she alive? Why was she in this bunker? He kept saying her name over and over again, as if by saying the name he hadn't let fall of his tongue for months would magically make her more real. She was laughing slightly, tears streaming down her face.

"Bellamy. How are you here?" she asked breathlessly. He laughed as well, but mostly in relief. She was actually speaking to him. Had she forgiven him?

"It's a long story. Now come on, let's get you out of here." He pulled a pocket knife out of his jacket and began to saw at the straps holding her down.

"Clarke, get the other side." He ordered, working fast. There was no time. Clarke jumped out of her surprised shock and began helping Bellamy. When both of River's hands and the strap around her stomach was released, she sat up and pulled Bellamy against her. He wrapped his arms around her small body, resting his chin on top of her head. River clutched his shirt, holding him tightly. Bellamy fought back the tears that threatened to leak out. He would not cry. He would not cry. Clarke clicked the girls thighs and ankles free and watched the two embrace. It was sad to watch, both of them desperately clutching the other. She could tell by the way that River's body fit perfectly against Bellamy's that the two had a lot of history. She hated to interrupt their reunion, but they had to leave. Now. The people who put River here might come back anytime soon.

"Bellamy." She called and he turned, still holding River in his arms. When he caught Clarke's eye he knew they'd wasted enough time. He pulled away from River and she rubbed her sore wrists which were deeply bruised from trying to pull them free. Seeing them made Bellamy fizz with anger. But he couldn't let his emotions get in the way. They had to act.

"Can you walk?" he asked her gently.

"Of course." She told him assertively and pulled herself off the high table. Bellamy had almost forgotten about her stubborn side. When her bare feet landed on the gold floor she gave a little gasp, but walked over to the ladder.

"We have to go." she told them, fear lacing her eyes. "Right now." River began pulling herself up the ladder but she was weak and slow. Every time she grabbed the metal ladder her hands would slip or her arms weren't strong enough to pull herself up. Bellamy was right behind her, Clarke at his heels. Every time she fell he would grab her and set her upright.

"Lincoln!" Bellamy called. He heard a call in response. "We found her. I'm going to pull her up, can you grab her?" shouted.

"Ready now!" Lincoln called back. When Bellamy looked up, all he could see was darkness, but he trusted Lincoln. Though he would never say. I mean, he had to keep up the Big Brother act.

"Okay I'm going to push you up, there's a man up there, Lincoln, he's going to help you okay? I'm right behind you." She nodded and waited, trusting him completely. His heart panged. With all his strength and balance, Bellamy grabbed River's legs and pushed her up, she grabbed onto the metal ladder and let out a surprised scream, not thinking she would be pushed so high up. She threw her hand around and when she felt someone lean down and grab onto it, she let it pull her up. Bellamy was right, he was right behind her with a girl she presumed was Clarke. River recognised her face and name, knowing she probably knew Clarke briefly from the ship. The hands around her pulled her to her feet and she looked at all the strange faces peering curiously at her. Her vision went blurry, she felt herself sway, and then everything went black.

Bellamy saw River fall and called out to her and Lincoln managed to grab her just before she hit the ground. Bellamy placed one arm around her shoulders and the other under her knees and lifted her effortlessly.

"What was happening down there?" Monty asked, lowering his gun. Bellamy shook his head.

"I have no idea." He responded and looked at the girl sleeping in his arms. "We'll ask when she's awake. For now I say we head back. If you're tired set up camp a mile or so away from here, but stick to the path we came." He instructed and started to walk forward.

"What are you doing?" Clarke questioned.

"I'm taking her back. Tonight. Look at the blood. She needs to get back." Clarke nodded.

"I'll come too. Lay her on the ground, I'll quickly check her up." Bellamy shook his head.

"No time. You can check her in a few miles."

They walked for about 2 hours. Bellamy was followed by Clarke, Monty, Lincoln and one guard he thought was called Mark. The others, rightfully, wanted to rest and would head out the next day at first light. He carried her all the way, wondering over and over again how she could possibly be here. Lincoln asked various times if he wanted Bellamy to carry her but he refused. He needed her close, even if he was tired. He couldn't imagine someone taking her away again. When Clarke tapped him on the shoulder he lowered River to the ground. Bellamy had no idea what she was doing but he knew she was helping her.

River was covered in a lot of blood which came from her wrists, stomach, thighs and ankles but Clarke told him it was from struggling. But she was also covered in scars. Some on her arms, legs, shoulders. Bellamy didn't know what to think of them but she assured him again that they would be checked more precisely when they got back to camp. All that needed to be bandaged was a gash on her shin that resembled a knife been drawn deeply but Clarke, again, assured him it would be checked at camp.

They kept walking. They weren't followed and no one tried to attack them which puzzled Bellamy. Surely River's capturers would be looking for her? But no, it was well past dawn when they arrived safely at camp. Clarke shouted the doctors for help and River was taken out of Bellamy's arms. Her disappearance made him feel cold, but he brushed it off. She would be fine. She had to be fine.

He wasn't allowed to enter the room but Clarke sent someone out every so often to let Bellamy know what was going on. She had been washed, dressed and bandaged properly. It took about an hour and Bellamy found himself accidentally dozing off between the updates. It had been a long night.

A while passed since the trainee doctor had come out, and even in sleep Bellamy couldn't settle properly. When Clarke herself came out and woke him up with an upset look on her face, he knew he wasn't going to get told good news.

"Bellamy," she began with a heavy sigh.

"Just tell me." He interrupted standing up.

"We, uh, everything is fine but we've found out some unsettling information." She told him sadly, not quite meeting his eye.

"What is it Clarke?" he pressed.

"The scars, they're the same as the ones from Harper, Raven and my mum." She told him.

"Bone marrow operations?" he asked.

"Yes. But there's a lot more. Bellamy… we found lots of signs that indicate River was tortured. A lot." His heart lurched in his chest and he felt his vision blur. Clarke grabbed Bellamy and steadied him. "I'm really sorry. You can see her now though." She led him into the tent and to the bed she was sleeping in.

In sleep, River looked much younger. She was 21, possibly 22, only a year or so younger than himself. Her hair was fanned around her face like a halo, her face clean from dirt and blood. As he watched her, he become acquainted with her features again. Her dark eyebrows arched the same way, her thick lashes long and tickling the skin underneath. Across her cheeks and nose was a smattering of freckles. He sat in the chair beside the bed and was left alone with his thoughts. _How was she here?_ He lay his head on her bed and in no time was dozing again.

He was woken by a hand grabbing his shoulder.

"Bell! Bell, wake up!" Octavia shook his shoulder again. He rose, rubbing his eyes and pulling his hair out of his face.

"What's up O?" he asked and checked on River again. Oh yeah. He looked to his sister, the biggest smile etching across her face, and a tear slipped out of her eye.

"Oh my God." She spoke in awe. "I can't believe she's here."

"Me neither." Bellamy agreed. Octavia pulled over another chair and they both looked over River, each waiting impatiently for her to wake again. They talked a little bit, more trying to pass the time than anything else. And when she started to stir, both the Blake siblings froze.

"River?" Bellamy whispered gently, reaching under the cover to hold her small hand. She groaned, blinking as she adjusted her warm brown eyes to the harsh daylight flittering through into the tent. When she came to and focused her eyes on the siblings, she sat up quickly, causing her head to spin.

"Woah." Octavia warned and steadied her on the bed.

"O?" River asked blinking rapidly. Octavia gave her a watery smile and Bellamy's heart hurt just watching them. "Hi little sister." River joked and pulled Octavia into a hug. Octavia crawled onto the bed, and River moved over, both of them hugging fiercely.

"I missed you so much." Octavia told River, her voice muffled. River laughed, clutching her closer.

"I missed you too." Her voice cracked. It was strange for Bellamy seeing his best friend weak. She was always so strong and guarded. But looking at her now, she was broken. When Octavia let her go River saw her properly.

"Oh my god, you're so grown up!" she affectionately stroked the hair out of Octavia's eyes.

"Well, it's been way over a year." Octavia pointed out. River smiled sadly.

After some time, Octavia left saying that she had to find Lincoln but Bellamy knew she was giving the two some time to talk.

"River, how are you really?" Bellamy whispered as she lay down again, an exhausted look on her face.

"I'm fabulous. Although, I feel like I have a killer hangover." Bellamy laughed.

"You've been through a lot." He pointed out.

"Yeah. But I'm okay. I just want to sleep. You can fill me in on everything later."

"And you can tell me where you've been?" He asked hopefully.

"Maybe. But for now know that I'm okay." It was the smile that she gave Bellamy that made him remember the first time she'd given him it. The first time he really got to know her.

 _River was walking quickly through the corridors of Walden, her hair swaying behind her as she looked for the correct room. It was a last minute appointment that came through on her cornea slip and she wanted to meet her new patient as soon as possible so they could begin their sessions. She was glad for the unexpected work, it meant she could get more ration points._

 _When she finally arrived at the right room, she knocked and patted imaginary dust off her clothes nervously. She looked professional. Her clothes were clean and good quality, definitely a few weeks' worth of ration points, her hair braided in a fishtail style that fell down her back. She didn't have her clipboard. She thought it made her look too business like. She wanted her patients to trust her._

 _She could hear commotion coming through the door in front of her. Desperate voices and lots of shuffling. She didn't know what they were saying but she was glad. At least there was work to do. She was surprised when a boy opened the door. He was no more than 18 or 19, only a year older than River. He had thick dark hair which was swept back neatly with gel and a trainee cadet uniform on._

 _"Officer." She greeted politely, and offered her hand to the gorgeous boy. He looked her up and down, an uneasy look on his face and raised an eyebrow. "I'm Dr. McAlister." River explained, her hand still in the air. The boy ignored it and raised his eyebrow again._

 _"You're supposed to shake my hand. It's polite." River told him, slightly irritated. The boys deep brown eyes met hers and he smirked._

 _"How can I help you?" he asked and she brought her hand back to her side._

 _"Actually, it's how can I help_ you." _She said and he frowned. "I'm looking for a Melinda Blake. Is she here?" River asked politely._

 _"What does a doctor want with my mum? She's not sick." He told her._

 _"Actually I'm a psychiatrist. And I was told that Ms. Blake is my new patient."_

 _"What the hells' that?" he asked rudely._

 _"I specialise in mental illness." She told him impatiently. "Now if you don't mind could you get Ms. Blake please so we can begin?" Just then movement came from behind the boy. A woman appeared. River could tell she was once very beautiful, but all that beauty was wasted in years' worth of tiredness and worry that etched across her face. River wasted no time._

 _"Hello, Ms. Blake. My name is River McAlister. I'm here to talk to you." She said happily, holding out her hand. A forced smile appeared on the woman's face and she shook River's hand gently._

 _"What an unusual name." she commented and her son scoffed._

 _"More like ridiculous." He muttered under his breath. River ignored him. She was working._

 _"You'll have to excuse my son, Bellamy. He's seemingly forgotten his manners. Please, come inside." Both mother and son cast worried looks to one another, but led her into the small apartment. River sat herself down on a chair._

 _"Is there any way we can talk alone Ms. Blake? Our conversations are to be strictly confidential." She nodded and asked Bellamy to leave but he stayed put, an angry look on his face._

 _"You're just letting this girl into our home? You're going to let her talk you into believing you're crazy?"_

 _"I don't think anyone is crazy." She explained quickly. "I was told that your work are concerned about you Ms. Blake. They say you're tired, stressed and distant. They wanted me to come around a few times a week just to talk about your concerns. We'll get you back on your feet in no time." Bellamy started to argue again, but his mother cut him off._

 _"Bellamy, when people come knocking on our door, we don't send them away in the first five minutes. We do as they say." She gave him a knowing look, one River didn't understand at the time. Bellamy scoffed and took himself into the back bedroom with a slam of the door._

 _"I'm sorry about that." His mother apologised. "But he's just protective."_

 _"I can understand that." River replied and began her session._

 _She came three times every week much to Bellamy's dismay and his mother would never discuss with Bellamy what she talked about with the young doctor. Two months had passed and Bellamy was getting used to her visits. Underneath her polite small talk and ignorance to his sarcastic jabs, he could tell she was bursting to retort. Her eyes would light up in a way where he knew she'd just thought of a great comeback, but couldn't say it while working in fear of getting told off or fired. She was always consistent with her timing too. Arriving when she said she would, giving him and his mum enough time to hide Octavia before she came._

 _It was when Bellamy bumped into River outside of his small apartment that they began to become friends. They were walking back from the exchange when they slammed into one another accidentally._

 _"Oops, sorry, my bad." Bellamy apologised and steadied the girl he bumped into. Dr. McAlister looked up at him and recognised him immediately._

 _"Bellamy." She nodded in greeting. Bellamy was surprised to see her in ordinary clothes and her hair pulled back into a long ponytail, her stance casual and not ridged. She looked younger._

 _"Doctor." He greeted sarcastically._

 _"Call me River." She told him and started to walk away._

 _"Wait!" he called her back. She waited. "It's weird seeing you out, I've never seen you out before." She shrugged._

 _"I work a lot." She replied simply then a wicked look appeared on her face. "Oh and by the way: please, for the love of God would you stop trying to embarrass me every single time I walk into your house? I know you don't like this arrangement but it's not my fault or your mum's." She told him hotly. Bellamy smiled._

 _"There it is! I knew you were dying on telling me off."_

 _"Your dick belongs in your pants, not in your personality." She retorted. Bellamy whooped and River actually smiled._

 _"Why don't I walk you home?" They had playful banter back and forth all the way to her apartment and the next time she went round, she stayed longer afterwards, chatting with Bellamy. They began to meet up days she wasn't working with Mrs. Blake. Like when he got off his cadet shift and would sneak into places together, laughing and insulting each other like twelve year olds._

 _One time she left her cardigan at his apartment and came by after work to pick it up. He took ages to answer the door, and she could hear the shuffling and moving of furniture coming from inside the room. She called out his name and heard the commotion stop. A few seconds later the door opened to a slit. Her unexpected presence caused Bellamy to get angry, and he wouldn't explain why. He shut the door on her face only to open it again and throw her cardigan at her. Shocked, she walked home angry._

 _The next session after the incident, River made herself more wary of her surroundings, wondering what on earth Ms. Blake and Bellamy could be hiding in the tiny room. They always moved something but she couldn't figure out what. Was it the table? But what could possibly be under the table that caused them to move it?_

 _Once Bellamy had been careless and accidentally left out a small dress he had been washing in the sink and letting dry on the radiator at the back of the room. River asked him about it and he got defensive very quickly, claiming his mother was making it to exchange for rations points. The excuse was reasonable enough but Ms. Blake had told River about her lack of time and incapability to be motivated to do anything other than sleep. Surely she wouldn't be sewing in her spare time?_

 _The day she confronted Bellamy about all the secrets, was the day they finally became proper friends. She was sitting on his couch drinking a glass of water and staring closely at the rug underneath the table. Bellamy ignored her, not wanting to act suspicious._

 _"What's under there? " She asked, not taking her eyes off the rug on the floor. Bellamy's heart lurched in his chest, and he felt himself get very warm._

 _"What do you mean?" he asked cautiously._

 _"I mean, what is under there? What are you hiding?"_

 _"Nothing." He replied. "Is my mum still sleeping? You know, I should wake her." Bellamy suggested and stood up._

 _"No." she grabbed his arm gently. "Tell me the truth. Please?" And she gave him this smile. This absolutely tiny smile that said everything he could possibly hear. Everything was going to be okay. He wasn't alone anymore._

And it was the smile she was giving Bellamy now. She lay down on the bed, exhausted, the bags under her eyes purple and sore. And she smiled. _Everything was going to be okay,_ the smile promised. And he believed her. He trusted her. He grabbed her hand gently, interlocked their fingers and watched over her until her eyes were too heavy to keep open.

 **So you guys, did you like this chapter? Don't worry, when she gets out of bed you'll get to know her better and I'm sure you'll like her more! If you enjoyed let me know! I'll try my hardest to update as soon as possible!**


	3. Welcome to Earth

**Hey everyone! Are you enjoying it so far? Thanks for sticking with my story! Here's the next chapter** **J**

 **Chapter 3**

River slept all day, and when the others returned from the search, she was still out for the count. Bellamy fell asleep again in the chair, fingers still interlocked with hers. Everyone was very respectable. They left him alone, only bothering him to check on River or give him food and for that he was grateful. No one really knew what was going on. And he could hear Clarke and her mother calming people down. He knew he should go out himself but he couldn't bring himself to leave her again. He wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

He was daydreaming about food supplies and the camps next hunting trip when she began to stir. He gently brushed the hair out of her eyes and let his hand linger, resting lightly on her warm check. When she came to Bellamy helped her sit up. It was strange for him to see her needing his help. She was always so stubborn and strong, never letting anyone help her. River's legs dangled over the edge of the bed and he called in Octavia Clarke and her mother Abby. Clarke asked River questions like 'do you remember what happened?', 'will you follow this light with your eyes for me?', 'do you still have a bad headache?' River answered all her questions straightforwardly and smiled when Clarke told her she was glad she'd come home. Octavia was sitting with River on the bed. She now wore a t-shirt too big for her, well fitted trousers and a tight jacket.

There was the awkward question lingering the air, making both Octavia and Clarke trying hard to catch his eye but he ignored them. He knew what he had to do.

"River." He began and Octavia held her hand. "What happened?" He asked quietly. The girl smirked, surprising them all.

"That's the question, isn't it?" she sighed heavily and looked down, lost in thought.

"River?" Octavia asked and River looked up.

"I don't remember much, and I don't care for remembering the rest." She began to explain, and the three girls plus Bellamy nodded sympathetically. "I came down on the … second dropship? I'm not sure but I remember I blacked out on the way down. I don't remember landing so I must have passed out. I hit my head so someone must have thought I was dead. I mean, I get it. It was a stressful situation, no one would've had a clue what to do or had time to make sure every single person dripping with blood was alive. I understand why I was left behind." She casted looks around the room and taking everyone's respected silence as encouragement to keep talking. "When I woke up all I remember was darkness. I knew immediately from even the smell I was on earth but I couldn't feel happy because everyone around me was dead. There must have been like three people and it was _awful._ I tried to wake them but it was too late.

"When I finally got out of the dropship it was night time. I called out for help, my head throbbing. Oh, and it was bloody _freezing._ I heard someone call out and I figured it was someone returning to get supplies off the ship. The rest is really blurry. I just woke up on that bed, strapped down." She stopped talking, living in a moment none could follow. Halfway through her speech Marcus entered the room, a look of regret and pity on his face. She cleared her throat and laughed. "I don't know who they are. They covered their faces but they spoke. I could recognise that voice anywhere." She finished her story and glanced nervously at Bellamy and he nodded reassuringly.

"Do you think we have an enemy on our hands?" Marcus asked her.

"Yes. And I don't think its Bell's or even my 'good luck' that got me out of that bunker. They let me go. I know they did." Everyone sucked in a sharp breath and gave each other worried looks. The problem at hands was bigger than they imagined. They had a new enemy. And god knows who else was still alive on that dropship and taken.

When everyone left after questioning River and her not able to remember anything else, they gathered everyone around outside and explained the circumstance: there was a new enemy who had evidentially captured and tortured one of their own. No was allowed outside the walls at night without a team and a weapon and those who left had to be accounted for.

"Surely they know we're here? And I think they're smarter than attempting to take someone now, knowing we're aware of them?" River suggested while getting out her bed. After a few arguments with the doctors about rest, River wanted to get out. It occurred to Bellamy then that she hadn't seen earth yet. Not really. She'd been locked away. He walked towards her, arm extended and tilted his head towards the door.

"Come on, Doctor, you've got an entire world to examine." He teased. She laughed a little at this and took his hand, intertwining her fingers with his.

"You do realise I was never actually a doctor, right? I was a psychiatrist." She reminded him again.

"I know." He replied with a smile, moving the cover of the tent out her way with his other hand. "Welcome to earth."

River couldn't believe her eyes. She was in absolute complete awe and stumbled back a bit, but Bellamy stopped her with a laugh. The light was fading, swallowing the two best friends in beautiful twilight. River caught her breath when her eyes moved towards the trees surrounding her. Their tall branches reached out to her like the legs of a friendly spider, tangling between the darkness and casting haunting shadows within the camp. Around her, everywhere she looked, was green. Green leaves on the trees, green hills in the background tuning black against the setting sun.

As she walked through Camp Jaha some people she recognised briefly from the ship approached her, happy to see her safe. She thanked them, feeling a little uncomfortable but content with her surroundings. One of her old patients, Mrs Stewart hugged her and thanked her for everything she'd done to help. She'd suffered from extreme anxiety after her son went into Confinement. Her son was one of the 100, and River remembered spending her days inside her apartment, both of them grieving who they lost.

The fire tickled her fingers as she warmed her hands over the crackling flames. The warm glow made her eyes shine a beautiful hazel colour, like nothing he'd ever seen before. She watched it with awe, enjoying the heat it provided. They walked all around the camp, Bellamy pointing out places and River hanging onto his every word.

"I promise to show you more tomorrow. When its daylight I can show you a real river." He joked. She nudged him with her elbow.

"That's why I was named River, you know. My parents wanted to come to earth so bad they named me after a water source." Bellamy laughed.

"Yeah I remember you telling me that story. It's a shame they're not here now." She looked down, walking beside him easily.

"No it's not." Just then Octavia found them, calling them over from her tent. She looked overjoyed, almost skipping up to River and Bellamy.

"River! You _have_ to meet Lincoln." Octavia told her excitedly. River smiled.

"Of course I do! Who is Lincoln?" she asked and Bellamy's sister laughed.

"He's my boyfriend. Much to Bell's disapproval." On cue, Bellamy rolled his eyes.

"Well, I would love to meet him. I'm sure Bellamy would _love_ that too, wouldn't you Bell?" River teased with a laugh and a light jab to the stomach.

Octavia led them to her tent where a man with dark skin and beautiful deep brown eyes stood straight, relaxing only when Octavia linked arms with him. He smiled gently at River and gave a nod of greeting to Bellamy.

"So you're the boyfriend?" River said and pulled him into a hug, surprising Lincoln but he embraced her back.

"That I am." He smiled warmly at Octavia. "Although I'm sure Bellamy would happily use one of his guns on me." He joked and Bellamy fought hard not to smile.

"I get where this grump is coming from. We're both very protective of her and trust me, I wouldn't get all that mad at him if I found out it was because you broke her heart." River smiled sweetly and Lincoln laughed.

"I get you, loud and clear." They began an easy conversation and walked over beside the fire. They chatted for hours, catching up for lost time. After a while, Octavia and Lincoln left for guard duty, leaving River and Bellamy leaning against a log, talking quietly about everything and nothing at the same time. While sitting so close after so long, Bellamy couldn't help but notice the vast distance between them. It never used to be like this, awkwardly avoiding the real issues in front of them. They were both confrontational characters. Bellamy was always known for using his actions rather than words, something River never minded. And River was known for her quick tongue, something that got her into more trouble than it was worth. But now, Bellamy could do nothing to fix it, and there was no words for River to say to make it better. There was no going back in time to fix mistakes. And there was no way of knowing what could have been. They had to live in the now, which fortunately, they could experience together.

"I really like Octavia and Lincoln together." River said picking at her bowl of food Clarke instructed her to eat. Bellamy scoffed.

"I don't see it."

"That's because it's your sister. You gotta look at it outside the box. They're in love." She said happily, watching the fire. "And we both know that she's always wanted to be in love." Bellamy looked at her, an unreadable look on his face. With the fire shining in his cinnamon eyes and casting shadows across his face, she'd never seen him so open since coming to earth. She missed this Bellamy, the one she never got to see often. He inspired her. He was very protective of his family, going as far as risking his own life to save the ones he loved, even though he feared death more than anything. He accepted River into his family after a long time, and ever since then she finally came home.

 _After a very long day at work all River wanted to do was crawl under her scratchy blankets and sleep. She loved her job, she loved helping people, but finding out that one of her patients had committed suicide was too much. Knowing she failed was too much. He had lost his entire family. His daughter sent to her execution on her eighteenth birthday, his wife floated for theft. Mr. Roth was a lovely man, just alone and grieving, and it hurt River personally that he'd committed crimes he knew would get him floated. They'd talked about his options. He would help out at the care centre, knowing that his daughter would smile at the thought of his father helping people. He would go to Support Groups River and her team set up for those who had lost their spouses. But getting the news that the kind man who would check to make sure River was also okay and feeding herself well was_ dead _and his death wasn't an accident, made her feel…well, she felt like shit._

 _But she kept promises. She promised Octavia she would pop round after her shift and get her a new ribbon for her hair. As she rounded the familiar corner knowing exactly who would be behind the door, someone she knew would comfort her in her time of grief, she almost turned right around. She didn't want him to see her upset. She would be strong._

 _She tapped their secret knock, the one that let Bellamy and his usually sleeping mother know it was River and not anyone who could potentially hurt Octavia. She still heard the shuffling where she knew Bellamy was covering the trap door with the rug and telling Octavia to hide in the cupboard until he double checked it was River. The door opened a short amount of time later and Bellamy stood in front of River, a cheeky smile on his face, but when he looked at her he immediately went into 'protective Bellamy' mode. He pulled her into his apartment, face serious._

 _"What's the matter?" He asked, concern lacing his voice. River shrugged._

 _"Nothing. Now, where's O? I bought a present for her down at the exchange." Just then Octavia came out of the cupboard, only 12 at the time with a massive grin on her face. "There she is!" River sang happily, ignoring the lump in her throat. Octavia ran at River and she swept her up and twirled her around in an embrace. Octavia laughed loudly and they both shushed her. She was a small kid with the most determined heart. She defiantly got that off her brother._

 _"I've got something for you." River said, bending down and reaching into her bag. Octavia gasped and looked up at River and Bellamy in disbelief._

 _"Are you serious?" She asked, taking the beautiful dress off River and feeling the fabric flow between her fingers. It was a hard thing for River to have come by, and cost a hell of a lot, but River didn't mind. Every little girl should get a princess dress and a chance to play dress up once in their life. Just because she had a different upbringing, and a mother who didn't come out of her room often, didn't mean that it was fair for her not to be a little girl while she was a little girl. She would soon grow out of this phase and both Bellamy and River understood that she couldn't stay under that trapdoor forever. Or, of course, she'd get bored and do something reckless._

 _"I don't know what to say. Thank you so much Riv!" Octavia said with a voice full of glee and pulling River into another crushing hug._

 _"It's no problem, O. Now, should we try it on?" The girls headed into the bathroom and closed the door. Bellamy watched them with both a smile at the look on Octavia's face and a frown at the look on River's face. She wasn't okay. Something was bothering her. They came out soon and Bellamy laughed when his sister started twirling in the dress that was too long for her. River promised to sew it shorter and the two sat on the couch, watching Octavia play with her dolls in her beautiful sage green dress._

 _"Are you two in love?" Octavia asked, the dolls in her hand were halfway through their marriage ceremony. They both laughed._

 _"No, Octavia. Just friends." Bellamy assured her._

 _"Do you think I'll ever fall in love?" she asked sadly. Putting the dolls down._

 _"Of course." Bellamy assured his little sister._

 _"But I can't leave my room." Octavia pointed out. Bellamy and River cast one another a wary look. This hadn't occurred to them. Would Octavia ever really be able to leave? To have a life?_

 _"Hey." River said and pulled Octavia towards her. "No thinking like that, okay? You'll fall head over heels in love. You're gonna find someone who loves you, understands you, and stands by you. You hear me?" Octavia looked up though her dark lashes._

 _"Yeah. I hear you. Thanks River." She picked her dolls back up, continuing the ceremony._

 _"Thanks River." Bellamy said, also watching his sister._

 _An hour or so later, when the dolls were replaced by books Bellamy had checked out from the library Bellamy nudged her with his shoulder, his face back to serious, head dipped low._

 _"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked sincerely. She smiled._

 _"I told you. I'm perfectly fine. Fabulous actually." Bellamy rolled his eyes and two sat in silence. After a while it was time for Octavia to go to bed. The two of them moved the table and opened the trapdoor letting Octavia sleep in her dress like she asked. River kissed her on the forehead which made Bellamy smile. He read her a mythology story while his sister fell asleep. He loved mythology, it fascinated him. When she fell asleep Bellamy and River sat on the couch at opposite ends, their legs intertwining. River was lost in thought, her head tipped to the side, eyes glassed over. He nudged her knee with his toe._

 _"Hey." He said, and gave her a knowing look. She gave him a watery smile and shrugged._

 _"I lost a patient today." She whispered, trying not to wake the sleeping Octavia. His face fell._

 _"I'm so sorry, River." He told her honestly. "Are you alright?" She shrugged again._

 _"Remember that nice man we bumped into? The one who thought we were dating and kept calling you Bradley?" Bellamy nodded, smiling a little at the memory. "He was floated a few hours ago." She told him sadly. Bellamy didn't think. He just reached over and pulled her against his chest. She didn't cry like he expected but she hugged him just as enthusiastically. They lay there together on the couch, both wrapped around one another. Bellamy lay his chin on top of her head, his arms wrapped around her waist. River lay with her head on his chest listening to the thump of his heart, not knowing what she'd do if it ever stopped. But then she felt him stroking her hair, and the world suddenly felt brighter. It was going to be okay. And it was going to be okay because Bellamy was here. And he wasn't going anywhere._

 _Little did she know._

They both went back to watching the fire, remembering the same memory of little Octavia scared that she wasn't going to find love. He sighed.

"Okay, fine. They're alright together. But I'm never admitting it again!" River fist pumped and let out a happy whoop, making Bellamy smile. They looked at one another again, faces turning serious as they remembered what happened after that night. How they fell asleep together, wrapped in each other's arms. Neither willing to admit to themselves that it was the best sleep they'd had in weeks. River lay her head on his shoulder and almost instinctively Bellamy wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him.

They watched the fire until they could both barely keep their eyes open. He knew he should take her back to the hospital or even let her sleep in his tent, but he couldn't bring himself to move. And when he looked down and saw her eyelids closed, and her breathing even out, he couldn't bring himself to wake her. Instead he leaned back, pulling her with him and together they curled up on the forest floor. He looked at the stars, remembering the nights they dreamed of being on earth and laughed silently. Why, when they were both here, did they feel a million miles apart?

 **So that's it for this chapter folks! I really hoped you enjoyed it. I'm on study leave so if I don't update it's because I'm sitting my exams, sorry! Please feel free to leave a review with any comments, suggestions and criticism etc. I hope you have a brilliant day and enjoyed this chapter. :D**


	4. As Long As You Keep Moving

**Chapter 4**

Bellamy was woken early with a rough shake of his shoulder. He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He looked down and saw River curled up beside the dying fire. She looked restless, even in sleep. She was frowning, her dark eyebrows drawn together with tension Bellamy couldn't make go away. He looked up to his intruder and saw one of the guards looking at him warily.

"Clarke needs you, man." He said and pointed to the hospital tent. He nodded and pulled himself up.

"Tell her I'll be there in a few minutes." The man nodded in acknowledgement and walked away. Bellamy looked down at River. He leaned down and gently shook her shoulder, knowing that people would be waking soon and sitting around the camp fire.

"Wake up. You can sleep in my tent." He whispered gently. She rose sleepily, wrapping the small jacket around herself tightly. She didn't speak, didn't even really look him in the eyes, and just followed him to a large red tent. He unlocked it, pulling back the door so she could walk past first. He motioned to the bed and she crashed on it, wrapping herself into the blanket with a small word of thanks. He nodded and began looking for a fresh t-shirt. Finding one that looked relatively clean, he peeled off the dirty one he wore now, it was soaked with sweat and dirt from falling asleep on the forest floor. When he was finished getting dressed he walked towards a bowl of water and splashed his face, washing off the dirt and grime.

All the while, River watched him carefully, looking for her best friend. War had changed Bellamy. He was more open, more careful, more willing to listen to other people. She liked it. But she still missed the boy who used to give her piggyback rides down the corridors of Walden, laughing when she protested and wouldn't let go until she laughed too. The boy who would visit her apartment just before curfew after his shift to ask her about her day, making sure everything went alright, letting her know how O was, making her feel a part of something then running away laughing, trying to get back to his apartment before he was caught. He liked the risk, he enjoyed getting in trouble, because trouble was his middle name, yet he was burdened with a secret. She missed his innocence, the Bellamy who didn't have to kill to survive or to save the ones he loved. She missed that specific smirk he'd give only her, the one that made butterflies flutter without permission in her stomach.

He was still in there, just trapped under stress and a current of anxiousness. She couldn't imagine just what he must be feeling. She couldn't begin to feel herself what _she_ was feeling. She refused to think about her time in the bunker. She absolutely refused.

He turned, the morning light reflecting off his soft brown eyes, and gave her an apologetic look.

"I have stuff to do, I'm sorry. But I promise to see you later."

"Don't worry about it, I'll be splendid." She smiled, and it felt forced. He saw straight through it. He knelt down beside the bed, face to face with her.

"Are you okay?" he whispered. "And be honest." River looked into his eyes, they were filled with fear and worry. She tapped him on the nose which caused a lopsided smile to appear on his face.

"I'm going to be fine. I promise, Bell." He nodded looking away, realising she would be fine, she would have to be fine. He just had to give her time. He stood and went to leave but pausing before he disappeared. He looked at her for a long time, not sure quite what he was feeling. But she smiled at him, and he left.

It was a very busy day. When he went to find Clarke she was calming down a group of people protesting about having both Clarke and River in the camp, claiming they would bring another war to with them. Bellamy clamed them down, giving them a speech about how they'd worked so hard to bring their people back, and why now were they choosing who stayed and who left? Why were they rejecting some of their own people? They listened to him, some giving Clarke apologetic looks.

"Thanks." She said and smiled, the daylight making her hair shine a gorgeous golden colour.

"A princess needed saving, what can I say?" he joked. She laughed and led him into the hospital where three boys laid, groaning with cloths across their foreheads. Bellamy raised a curious eyebrow and she explained her fear of a flu spreading around the camp and the threat of people coming back for River and about how they needed to find out who took her _right now_ and how people wanted more answers and how this and how that. She went on for a while and Bellamy listened, letting her get the stress of her chest. When she was finished they began planning.

River woke a few hours later from restless sleep and felt her stomach drop in excitement. Today she was going to see earth. For _real._ She leaped out of bed and pulled back the tent, ready to explore. She wandered back over to the camp fire where lots of people stood huddled around, whispering frantically to one another. When she approached they immediately stopped talking, casting one another awkward knowing looks. River sighed, knowing they were talking about her. When she reached the tent where they stored water, a man stood in her way.

"Do you have a problem?" she questioned and tried to side step him. The man glared at her.

"Why should you be allowed in there? You're just going to attract trouble, you are." He declared and a few around him shouted their approval. River smirked, her signature 'I don't care what you think of me' smile on her face.

"Nice to know Chancellor Griffin allows freedom of speech. Excuse me." She said politely and skipped past the man. Her shoulder thumped into his painfully, but she didn't let the ache register on her face. Her body was still sore and weak after the weeks of tor- no, _strain_ it was put through. She wouldn't think about it.

She would not feel.

She would not feel until she had to.

Inside she drank thirstily and filled the water bottle Bellamy had given her. _Bellamy._ She remembered the previous night. It reminded her all too well of the time her and Bellamy first fell asleep together. She shook it off, and stepped outside, past the rude buzzing crowd, past the tents that littered around camp, and to the gates. The guards on duty eyed her carefully, but she was looking at the colours. All those colours. The white blue glow from the sky, the murky brown of the earth, the hunter green of the trees. There was so much to take in. The beauty of it overwhelmed her, causing her breathing to become lathered. Upon noticing this, it caused her to breathe even heavier. She hated being out of breath, it reminded her too harshly of the number of panic attacks she endured during her missing weeks. The guards asked if she was okay, and she nodded. Well, she thinks she nodded. _Focus_ she thought, _this time it's only in your head._ She squatted down, her head between her knees, trying to calm herself down. _You're safe._ She reminded herself. _Bellamy is here._ But he wasn't.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and turned round. A boy smiled gently at her and she stood. He had jet black hair, and very dark eyes, yet they were warm.

"You're River, right?" the boy asked softly. She nodded. "I'm Monty. Are you alright?" Monty asked. She nodded again, her wheezing subsiding. She turned back to look at the hills, her feet itching to walk the unknown. They stood in silence for a long time. Beside her, Monty chuckled.

"It's spectacular, isn't it?" she couldn't reply, she just kept watching. "A small group of us are going to get water. Would you like to come?" Monty asked kindly. River looked at him then, her eyes full of excitement.

"Really?" she asked. He nodded sadly.

"You might be my only company right now." She didn't ask him what he meant, because she was all too familiar with the feeling of being astoundingly alone. Instead she reached for his hand, squeezing it gently.

"I would love to."

At lunch, Bellamy went looking for River. He and Clarke had decided not to panic everyone about the ill boys. They would keep them inside, not allowing anyone in who wasn't immediate family, and making sure they covered their noses and mouths so they didn't get ill too. It seemed an exaggerated thing to do. But like Clarke and her mum wouldn't stop pointing out, they didn't have enough medication to treat the whole camp. Next they moved onto finding out who took River. They couldn't really do it without her, but Bellamy knew her too well, and knew she wouldn't want to talk about it. He promised Clarke she would spill the beans, because everyone thought she knew more than she was letting on, but he wanted her to have today. Time to settle onto earth. Clarke protested, saying there wasn't much time, but he ignored her. He planned on taking her to the stream, showing her the earth, then gently easing her into conversation. Clarke didn't understand the communication barrier between them. The distance neither could cross just yet. There was still the horrible thing Bellamy had done looming overhead, and it was probably the reason she was taken in the first place. If he hadn't done what he did, River would be fine. Possibly. Maybe? He didn't know. And he didn't plan on dwelling on it for long.

Guilt was a funny thing. It lived in your bloodstream, unknown to those around you and had this annoying tendency to be completely inescapable. It becomes a part of you, destroying you from the inside out. Maybe Clarke _would_ understand, because it was how she was feeling after the war. Bellamy and Clarke shared the same guilt, the same pain. Maybe she could understand his situation with River?

He shook it off. As long as he kept moving, it wouldn't hit him.

He didn't want to think about who he would take out when it did.

Firstly, he checked the main campfire and couldn't see her, so he asked around. Campers shook their heads or gave apologetic shrugs. Secondly he checked his tent, finding only his blankets folded messily on the end of his bed. He almost smiled, but then he went back to searching. After looking in the obvious places, the panic started to kick in. _Where was she?_

"Jasper!" he called, when he recognised the boy with the messy brown hair. He turned and nodded in acknowledgement.

"Bellamy." He greeted sullenly. The guilt was triggered again, he felt it pumping in his veins. Jasper had been a little- what was the right word? - _down_ since returning from the war. He didn't speak to anyone. His everyday activities included helping out when asked, putting in no effort to try, nibbling on food and returning to his tent and lie in the darkness for hours. He became quiet, withdrawn, and forlorn ever since coming back. He wouldn't even talk to his best friend Monty. There was no anger in his eyes, or resentment when he looked at Bellamy, just emptiness. And part of that was Bellamy's fault. He and Clarke had killed everyone in Mount Weather, including Jasper's girlfriend and ally to Bellamy, Maya. He shook off the guilt, he had to deal with the problem at hand.

"Have you seen River?" he asked desperately. Jasper looked behind him towards the gate.

"Yeah. I saw Monty leave with a team to get water. I think she went with them." He mumbled and began to walk away.

"Thank you." Bellamy called after him, frowning. Surely she wouldn't leave without him? Not when he promised to go and show her everything himself.

He sighed heavily. How did everything get like this? How did he manage to both get back the girl who possessed his every thought _and_ lose her in the same breath?

"Octavia?!" He called, knowing she would be around somewhere. "I need your help,"

 **Hey everyone! I'm so sorry I've taken so long to update. I had an English exam a few days ago and a Maths exam today. Hopefully this chapter was okay, it was kinda a filler one I suppose. When my exams are all finished I'll hopefully be able to update longer chapters.**

 **Leave a review, follow and favourite if you'd like!**

 **Have a great day :D**


	5. Day Trip

**Chapter 5**

"So let me get this straight… you're not able to remember the months you were missing?" Monty asked River as they walked in harmony towards the lake. The walk was taking much longer than normal, with River stopping ever few minutes to appreciate what was around her. Either wanting to smell a flower or feel the rough texture of lightly grazing her hands over the trunks of the trees.

"I suppose." She admitted, although it was more the fact that she didn't _want_ to remember her missing months. "There's something called 'dissociative amnesia'. It's when a person blocks out certain information which is usually associated with a stressful or traumatic event. It leaves them with memory loss. As in, possibly loosing long periods of time or memories of the event." She explained sourly.

"And that's what's happened to you?" Monty asked watching her sadly while she leaned down and plucked a flower out of the earth.

"Sure." She muttered, feeling guilty. The terrible thing was, River could remember everything. The loneliness, the desperation, the pain.

"I'm sorry." Monty empathised. She shrugged again.

"It's not your fault, Monty. Are we almost there?"

"Yeah not too far now." Someone behind her answered for Monty. She turned to the new voice. A boy not too much older than her smiled at her and winked. She rolled her eyes. Seriously?

They walked for another few minutes, finally coming to the lake that she was excited to see.

"It's right here," The man said. "Come on." He grabbed her hand, pulling her towards an opening in the trees. She gasped. When she walked through the trees and came to the lake, the air got warmer, the lake like a black void, the sun hot sun bouncing off its surface. She walked nearer, the pebbles crunching under her feet with every step she took. The water was like nothing she'd seen on The Ark, it was calming, slowly rippling with the gentle wind blowing her hair around her face. And it looked fresh, and clean, and so clear. She wandered over, letting go of the man's hand, and leaned down, gently touching the water with the tips of her fingers. Beside her, Monty and the other began filling containers with water and splashing their sweaty faces, cupping their hands and taking sips of it. She copied them, feeling the bangle of ice wrap around her hands as she cupped her hands and tasted the water. River let out a contented sigh. It even tasted different on earth.

"It's pretty cool, right?" The man asked her, kneeling beside River and splashing his face. She ignored him, too busy being mesmerised to focus much on what he was saying. "I'm Nicholas." He said, his blonde hair glistening in the afternoon sun.

"Nice to meet you." She replied politely, still swirling her hand in the water.

"You must feel pretty good right now." He said with a massive grin.

"How so?"

"Well, finally free and able to see earth. And finally free from Bellamy. He wouldn't leave you alone in the infirmary." She turned to face Nicholas, a surprised look on her face.

"He didn't?" He shook his head.

Thinking about Bellamy, and him not being here started to make River feel homesick. And guilty. He should be here. He should be the one experiencing this with her. But no. He left her, hurt her. She shouldn't feel guilty, she should be having fun. Living her life. Even if Bellamy wasn't in it.

"Hey Nicholas?" she said, standing up. "Want to teach me how to swim?"

Bellamy found Octavia in her tent. She invited him in, a concerned look on her face.

"What's wrong, Bell?" she asked the second he came clattering in.

"I'm worried about River." He told her honestly, sitting down on her bed. Octavia joined him on the bed.

"I know. But, she's been through a lot. And you know River better than anyone, she's going to pull through."

"I know but… she won't talk to me." He admitted.

"Do you want me to talk to her for you?" Octavia asked. "I don't mind. I'm worried about her too." Bellamy shook his head.

"No. No. I'll talk to her again. I just- I don't know, O. I miss her. I miss her so much. She's here. But she's not. You know?" he knew he wasn't making much sense, but Octavia always seemed to understand him.

"You're doing your best, Bell. Just make sure she knows that you're there for her, she'll come around." He nodded, agreeing.

"Any advice on how to do that? Every time I ask her if she's alright, she shuts me down."

"Then stop asking. Just be her friend. One day she'll open up to you. Remember how long it took her to trust you the first time? Just take it from the beginning again." Bellamy looked to her gratefully.

"Thank you, O." she smiled.

"Let me know how you get on."

He left about half an hour later, just chatting with his sister during his break, opening the tent every few minutes to see if River had come back yet, checking to make sure that he didn't have to send out a search party. He found Clarke later. She was still helping with the sick boys, looking happier than he'd seen her in a long time. When she saw him come in, she smiled at him and pulled off her mask. They walked outside.

"How is everything thing in there?" he asked her and she filled him in. So far, no sign of it spreading.

"How are you, Clarke? Are you alright?" he questioned, a look of sympathy on his tan face. She shrugged.

"Some days are better than others, you know?" She replied. "But I just keep going. It gets better. But sometimes, it gets a lot, lot worse." She said the last part so quietly he almost didn't hear her. He grabbed her arm gently, forcing his friend to look him in the eye.

"Whenever it gets its worse, Clarke, you know you can talk to me." She gazed at him, looking grateful.

"Thank you." She whispered and went back into the infirmary.

Bellamy left, and went back to the gate, looking for any sign of River and Monty, but had no luck. As he was staring hopelessly into the forest, an idea popped into his head: there were lots of people in the camp suffering the aftershocks of the war, those who lost someone they loved, or seen something time couldn't erase. They could use a therapist, right? Someone to talk to? And River needed something to distract herself with until she faced what truly happened to her. Would this work? Would it also help her come to the realisation of what she'd been through? He was still pondering this thought while helping serve dinner around the campsite.

When darkness began to fall, the nagging worry at the bottom of his stomach amplified, and he made Raven call the radio that Monty took with him on the water run. When he reported back a few minutes later, there was something in his voice that made Bellamy frown. What was that? Surely it wasn't happiness? But it was true. He sounded excited, and Bellamy could hear the faint sound of laughing coming through the radio while Monty told them they were running a little late, and that they were less than a miles walk away from camp. He left Raven tent in a hurry and stood by the main gate, angry that while he spent his whole day worrying, they were probably goofing off. They should have known better.

They arrived shortly, their hair drying in the fading sun, their clothes damp. He saw River and his stomach dropped faster than he could process. River was walking with a guy Bellamy recognised. But what was his name? Noah? Nathan? Then it struck him: Nicholas. Nicholas Welch. Bellamy decided that he didn't care much for Nicholas Welch. They were walking close together, and something he was saying to River was making her laugh, the image made Bellamy's stomach churn. They were further behind the rest of the team who carried great barrels of water. The two of them were carrying a basin, each taking a handle. Bellamy noticed as they came closer that there wasn't much water left in their basin. That most of it had spilt on the walk back, that both of them were too careless or distracted to notice.

When they came nearer he tried to catch her eye, but she surprisingly walked right past him, her voice excited and joyous as she talked to Nicholas. Monty greeted him with a nod.

"Why were you so late?" Bellamy demanded. Monty visibly paled.

"River wanted to swim. We lost track of time. I'm sorry, it won't happen again." He apologised.

"It better not." He warned and jogged away, trying to catch up with River.

"Hey!" he called, "Wait up!" River turned slightly, and when she saw it was Bellamy calling her, her smile fell.

"Hey." She said back, stopping to let him catch up. Darkness had completely fallen, the only source of light coming from the bonfire a few meters away. Bellamy looked at Nicholas and raised his eyebrows.

"Can I help you?" Bellamy asked. Nicholas looked surprised.

"Nope." He replied casually. Bellamy couldn't be bothered with him. He turned back to River.

"I was worried about you." He told her honestly and she smiled sadly.

"Sorry, but I had fun." She explained thinly, giving no further comment.

"Okay, well, you're probably starving. Come on, we'll get something to eat." He turned expecting her to follow, but was surprised to see her still standing beside Nicholas. "River?" he asked.

"Bell, I'm sorry but I said I'd sit with Nic." She said. Bellamy's stomach dropped almost painfully.

"Oh." Was all he could reply, feeling embarrassed. "Okay, well, check in later though, yeah? You can sleep in my tent again tonight until we can figure out somewhere for you to stay." She gave a little half smile and started to walk past him with _Nic._ He felt sick.

When it was time for him to go to bed, more than half the camp already retiring to their tents, he saw River still sitting by the fire with Nicholas. They sat close, whispering something he couldn't hear. He hated what he saw, yet, he couldn't look away. He hated seeing someone else make her laugh, someone else making her feel happy and comfortable, someone who wasn't him. He missed her so much his heart hurt. He couldn't explain it. He just hurt. Realising how pathetic he was sounding, and knowing River could look after herself, he went back to his tent hoping she would return later. Hopeful thinking was a bitch when things didn't go your way.

He didn't sleep a wink that night, his heart pounding every time he heard a noise coming from outside, hoping it was River coming back into his tent. But no such luck. When the first rays of sunlight poured through his tent, he didn't know what to think. He dragged himself out his bed, and pulled on a fresh pair if clothes. God, where the hell was she?

He opened his tent, sunlight kissing the mountains surrounding him in all directions. The air was still cold, much like how he was feeling. He felt cold without her presence. Yeah, she'd only been back a few days. But it finally felt like the missing pieces of his life were slowly coming back together. But then something got in the way. She kept pushing him away. At that moment he heard the zipping sound of another tent being opened which drew his attention. Who would be up this early? He looked over and saw a figure emerging out of a different tent. The figure laughed in a voice he could recognise anywhere and was silenced by a kiss being placed gently on her lips. River leaned into the kiss, her arms wrapping around the muscular build of Nicholas Welch. Bellamy fell back into his tent, his heart thumping erratically in his chest. _No_ he kept thinking over and over again _no no no no no no no._

Just then River opened his tent and climbed through. She was carrying her shoes and seeing him standing there caused her to freeze.

"Oh." She said in a surprised voice. "I didn't think you'd be up." Bellamy noticed things he wished he hadn't. Her hair was messed up, sticking up like static at some points on her head, her clothes were wrinkled, as if they were thrown on the ground and creased from lying there the whole night and her cheeks were slightly blushed, as though she knew exactly what he had figured out.

Bellamy cleared his throat and walked past her in a haste.

"I'm going to check on the sick kids." He said abruptly.

"Bell, wait!" she called after him, but he ignored her, fearing what would come out his mouth if he stayed a moment longer.

 **I know it's been soo long, I'm sorry! But I've had loads of exams and I've been so busy it's unreal. But I've finally updated! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Feel free to leave a comment** **J** **hope you had a great weekend.**


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